


Amused Banana

by mm8



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Crack, Gen, Pure Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-01
Updated: 2011-11-01
Packaged: 2019-07-28 06:58:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16236551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mm8/pseuds/mm8
Summary: Martha has a secret identity -- as a comedian.





	Amused Banana

Martha laughed at a joke her colleague told her as they left through one of U.N.I.T.'s decoy exits. As far as everyday citizens knew, she and her co-worker Zoe were high powered lawyers from Kelly, Bailey and Parker. 

"That's so funny," Martha said, grabbing her gut. "Did you make that up yourself?"

"I wish! It was from this comedian I heard down at the 'Amused Banana'. Me and some of my mates in the IT department went there last week for their amateur night. Everyone was hilarious. We're going there again tonight." Zoe gasped and gently placed her hand on Martha's shoulder. "You should come with us! It'll be loads of fun!"

Martha pulled a face. "Nah, sorry Zoe. Can't make it tonight. Going to Skype with Tom."

Zoe tsked. "Martha, from me to you, you are wasting your time on that guy. I've never known a long distance relationship to work out. Plus," she hit Martha's arm playfully. "What guy in his right mind would leave a gorgeous woman like you all alone and go to work in Africa?"

She smiled out of politeness. She couldn't explain to Zoe about the about that year was never was. How Tom had died to save her. Only a few could understand… a certain Doctor and a Captain. "I'll go with you some other time, alright?"

Zoe shrugged, waved goodbye and left in the direction of the train station.

Once she saw that her co-worker was out of earshot, Martha hurriedly whipped out her cell phone and pressed number seven on her speed dial.

"Amused Banana Comedy Club. You'll laugh so hard you'll peel yourself," a gravelly male voice answered, annoyed.

"Hey Harrison?" Martha said. "It's Mo'nique. I can't make it tonight. Can I reschedule for tomorrow instead?"

Harrison sighed. "Sure, babes. You draw in a crowd whatever night you come."

She smiled, pleased. "Thanks, Harry. I owe you one." Martha ended the call and breathed a sigh of relief. She had really dodged the bullet with that one.

♫ ♫ ♫

 

The next night Martha was standing off-stage waiting for her cue to go on as her persona, Mo'nique. She was dressed in a hot pink hoodie, a matching baseball hat tilted to the side, tight ripped blue jeans, pink UGG boots and Aviator glasses. 

"Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for… Mo'nique!"

Martha swaggered on stage with all the confidence in the world. She grabbed the mike from the hosting emcee and thanked the crowd. There was a big draw tonight, standing room only it looked like. She glanced down at the front floor to scan for people she could bounce jokes off of when she saw… them.

Beads of sweat began to fall down her face. Jesus, what were Ianto Jones and Jack Harkness doing here?

She shook herself as the applause began to die down. She had a twenty minute routine to get through. She could do this. Martha took a deep breath and told a joke about the current Prime Minister. 

♫ ♫ ♫

 

Martha wasted no time and ran off the stage after she finished. She saw Jack and Ianto discreetly get up and walk to the back of the club. Luckily, she bumped into them in the back hallway where all the dressing rooms were.

"What are you two doing here?" Martha asked in a stage whisper.

"Could ask you the same thing." Jack smiled cheekily as he watched Martha blush. "Torchwood business."

"What? Here?"

"Know anyone under the name of Harrison Morgan?" Jack inquired.

"Yeah, he's the boss here. Why?" Martha was beginning to feel on edge.

"He's an alien," Ianto interjected. "A drug dealing, inter-galactic pimp, trying-to-take-over-the-Earth alien."

She was completely gobsmacked. Before Martha could interrogate them further, one of the heavy doors slammed shut and they all turned to see Harrison, looking frightened, with a huge sack in his arms.

Immediately, Jack and Ianto dashed for him. Ianto quickly tackled Harrison to the ground while Jack sprayed him in the face with some sort of pepper spray. Working together, they heaved the alien up. 

Jack looked back over his shoulder as they were leaving through the backstage door. "Love the outfit."

And they were gone.

Martha leaned against the wall. She had adopted her persona and gotten into comedy to get away from aliens and all the strangeness, but it had still found her.


End file.
